Until the Day I Die
by rebelballerina22
Summary: BL, some PL. Brooke is all alone, and she can’t take it any longer. Will anyone be there to save her when she needs it? Rated PG-13 for sensitive subject matter.
1. Tell Me Why This Hurts So Much

Title: Until the Day I Die  
  
Chapter: 1- Tell Me Why This Hurts So Much  
  
Author: rebelballerina22  
  
Summary: B/L, some P/L. Brooke is all alone, and she can't take it any longer. Will anyone be there to save her when she needs it? Rated PG-13 for sensitive subject matter.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill except for my own thoughts. Also, this title is from the Story Of The Year Song, "Until The Day I Die" and the chapter titles are from lyrics of the same song.  
  
Author's Note: Reviews are more than welcome, but please be easy with the flames. This story deals with the subject of suicide, so if that makes you feel uneasy, then please don't read this. I'm not trying to advertise suicide or anything of the like.  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
Brooke's POV  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
12:15 am.  
  
The winter evening is dark and cold in this place I call home. Rain is coming down hard as I pace the lonely halls. As my legs slowly climb the seemingly endless staircase, my small hands tightly grip the bannisters until my fingers turn white.  
  
My thoughts drift in and out of reality ; pain overpowering my emotions...  
  
It's been 3 months since he almost died.  
  
I still haven't been able to stop thinking about him.  
  
That week, seemingly so long ago, was the worst of my life. I was worried enough to make me sick; too scared to eat. I hardly left his bedside, where I read our book, the Steinbeck, to him and I whispered our song into his ear.  
  
"As years go by  
  
I race the clock with you   
  
But if you died right now  
  
You know that I'd die too  
  
I'd die too..."  
  
I silently prayed that these words would be enough for him, promising myself that I needed to be better.   
  
For him.  
  
I told myself that things would be different for us when he woke up. I didn't realize exactly how "different" they would end up being.   
  
I sat there hour after hour willing his eyes to open. I even gave prayer a try, hoping against hope that he would come back to me. I prayed so hard that he'd pull through, just like he always did; that he wouldn't die.  
  
Now I almost wish he had.  
  
"My hands are at your throat  
  
And I think I hate you  
  
We made the same mistakes  
  
Made the same mistakes"  
  
I come to a stop in the doorway of my room. The one room in the entire mansion with any personality or any signs of living in it.   
  
At least it used to be.  
  
I take a spot on the bay window seat; my favorite seat in the entire world. Staring out the window, I watch as falling droplet scatter outside. I press my cheek against the window to find that it's as cold as ice. Out in the winter night, the street is cold, dark, and bleak as the rain keeps it's steady rhythm.  
  
'Not nearly as cold as it is in here,' I think sardonically to myself.  
  
My mind contemplates the chain of events that led up to tonight.  
  
accident... phone call... Peyton... webcam... kissing... Lucas...  
  
I desperately try to shake the thoughts from my head, but no matter what they keep returning back to him. I decide to stand up, ready to continue pacing, trying to keep the thoughts away.  
  
I sit at my desk and resolve to write. From one of the drawers I pull out a lavender colored journal with my monogram on the cover in silver. I slowly flip through searching for an empty page. As soon as I come across one. I immediately begin to write. My script is wide and curving as I express my thoughts.  
  
Tears flow down my cheeks while I write this letter. As I finish it reads:  
  
I know I'm not perfect. And as many things that I wish I didn't do, this tops them all. I wish I hadn't fallen in love, not even this once. I didn't mean to get in the way of what has always been there. I'll keep the good times close to my heart forever. I want you to know before I go, that I wish there was another way. This pain is just too much to much to take. I'm doing this because it's for the best. I want you both to be happy. You'll always have each other. Don't blame yourselves, because it's no one's fault except mine. Please know that I'll always love you both.  
  
Love Always,  
  
Brooke Anne Davis  
  
4/22/04, 12:55 am  
  
I leave the journal open as I walk to the bathroom. I turn on the hot tap all the way and wait until it starts steaming. I can faintly hear the phone ringing above the music turned up all the way.   
  
I finally find what I'm looking for. A million different thoughts are racing through my mind telling me not to do this, but I finally decide to go through with it. I step into the tub and sit in the scorching water. It doesn't faze me as I lift the sharp razor to my wrist. Without thinking twice, I slowly, deeply drag it across my skin.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
  
I know it's unusually short, but don't worry there's more to come. It might seem confusing now, but I promise that all will be revealed soon. :) 


	2. Mistakes Like Friends Do

Title: Until the Day I Die  
  
Chapter: 2- Mistakes Like Friends Do  
  
Author: Rebelballerina22  
  
Summary: B/L, very minor P/L. Brooke is all alone, and she can't take it any longer. Will anyone be there to save her when she needs it? Rated PG-13 for sensitive subject matter.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill except for my own thoughts. Also, this title is from the Story Of The Year Song, "Until The Day I Die" and the chapter titles are from lyrics of the same song.  
  
Author's Note: Reviews are more than welcome, but please be easy with the flames. This story deals with the subject of suicide, so if that makes you feel uneasy, then please don't read this. I'm not trying to advertise suicide or anything of the like.  
  
Also, I've been writing this story according to the schedule of the show. So, where I live, the episode that Lucas got in the accident aired early February, so three moths later would be April. Just wanted to get that cleared up for ya'll!  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
Peyton's POV  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
12:15  
  
The stereo is blaring to The Cure's "Love Song" in attempt to drown out the rain. I sit in the chair at my desk and I can't believe the conversation I'm having.  
  
"So, that's it? You're breaking up with me? Is there even a real reason why?" I ask angrily.  
  
"Of course there is. I just... I don't feel the same way anymore. Look, I'm sorry. But it's for the best. These past two weeks it just hasn't been the same," he responds on the other line.  
  
"You're right. And it's because you've changed. You're not the same person I thought I knew," I say as droplets of tears spill down my flushed cheeks.  
  
"I could say the same about you," Luke says quietly, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Yeah? So am I," I say, slamming the phone down.  
  
I walk over to my bed and sob into my pillow for a few minutes until I realize what I am doing.  
  
"Why am I crying over him?" I ask myself silently, "It's so not like me to cry over a guy. I mean, it's not like it's a big surprise. I could see this coming. Every time I was with him I could see that something had changed between us."  
  
I get up and walk around my room, contemplating the event that had just taken place.  
  
"God, I really have no one," I reflect, "I gave up my best friend in the entire world over him and now he's gone too."  
  
I sit back down at my desk, in front of my computer. Picking up my sketch pad, I begin to draw my self-portrait. I look into the small mirror beside me, and study my reflection and the subtle changes there are. Ever since I started going out with him the rings around my eyes have been getting darker and darker, each day taking longer to apply make-up in my sad attempt to cover them up.  
  
I remember back to the night I broke it off with him, only to get back together the next night, unable to control my feelings.  
  
I remember saying to him, "Life's too short to go on living it as a bad person."  
  
My thoughts immediately switch to Brooke, as my stomach drops with a horrible feeling.  
  
"Oh God, I can't believe we did that to her. She's my best friend and I betrayed her."  
  
I let my head sink into my hands as I remember the first time we met.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I am swinging on the swing set, my long, curly hair flowing wild, when all of a sudden a small brunette with pigtails and pink ribbons offers to push me.  
  
"No, thanks," I simply reply.  
  
The brunette walks away, obviously disappointed.  
  
"Wait!" I call out, guilty that I made her upset, "If you want, I can push you."  
  
"Sure," the smaller girl quietly says, instantly brightening up, "My name's Brooke."  
  
"I'm Peyton. I like your ribbons," I say all uncomfortableness now gone.   
  
I step away from the swing set, offering it to her.  
  
"Thanks," she says sitting on the swing.  
  
I pull the swing back and push with all of my six year-old might. She grips the chain tightly making her knuckles turn white and barely lets her skinny legs swing, fear and tension evident.  
  
"What's wrong?" I ask stopping the swing.  
  
"I... I'm kinda scared. I don't wanna fall," she says, her voice shaky.  
  
"Don't worry. I won't let you get hurt," I smile at her reassuringly.  
  
She smiles back with those dimples that we all know and love.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Those words echo in my head.  
  
I put down my sketch pad and pencil, and walk over to the window. I stare out at the falling rain, pondering over what to do.  
  
"I have to talk to her," I think to myself watching the rain, "I need to tell her that I'm sorry for letting her get hurt and for all the broken promises. I'll tell her that she'll always be my best friend no matter what. To me, she'll always be the girl with the perfect pigtails and the pretty ribbons. And I'll always be the girl with the wild, blonde curls."  
  
I reach my hand up to touch my face and find tears I hadn't realized fallen.  
  
"I feel like shit," I say out loud, "Man, if this is what I'm feeling like then it must be ten times worse for Brooke."  
  
I quickly dry my tears and pick up the phone knowing what I have to do, but not entirely sure that I can do it. I dial the number that I know so well and wait for her to pick up. I wait for a few seconds before realizing that she's not going to answer. I try her cell phone and after it goes straight to her voice mail, I feel my stomach flip.  
  
"She never turns her phone off. Never. I can understand her not wanting to talk to me, but her phone is always on no matter what. With me it's my webcam that I can't bear to turn off, and with her it's her cell phone. Oh God, she must really be mad if she has it off."  
  
I pace the perimeter of my room mindlessly searching for answers.  
  
"I have to talk to her," I decide grabbing my leather coat.  
  
Without thinking, I pick up my keys and head out the door on my way to Brooke's house. In my car I keep thinking about how I deserve everything she says to me for all the hell I put her through. Within moments I reach her house, parking in the circle driveway. I sprint to her front porch in attempt to avoid the rain. I repeatedly ring the doorbell and knock, but after no answer I reach over and lift up the angel statuette next to the pot of Gerbera daisies, knowing the not-so-secret hiding place of the Davis' spare key. I pick up the key and unlock the door.  
  
As soon as I step in the doorway, I immediately know that something is wrong. For one thing, all of the lights downstairs are off, and I know Brooke is home because her car is in the driveway. She always keeps all of the downstairs lights on when she's home alone, especially when it's raining.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The storm is raging outside as we are trying to have a sleep-over. My dad is away on business, and it is our first time to have a sleep-over home alone. We're rolling out our sleeping bags and getting ready to watch "Spice World" our favorite movie ever. I am dressed up as Baby Spice and Brooke is Ginger.   
  
Suddenly the power goes out.  
  
"Peyton!" I hear Brooke scream from across the room, scared half to death.  
  
"It's ok, Brooke. I'll just find the flashlights and it'll all be ok."  
  
"Peyton, I'm scared," Brooke says her tiny voice cracking.  
  
"I know. It'll all be fine once I find those flashlights," I reassure her.  
  
Brooke is silent and a few moments later I can hear her crying. I walk a few steps and find her curled up in a ball on the floor.  
  
I kneel down next to her and say, "Shh, Brooke, it'll be ok. Let me just go find a flashlight."  
  
I stand up getting ready to look for the big flashlight that daddy always uses when there's a blackout.   
  
Brooke reaches up and grabs my arm.  
  
"Please don't leave me alone," she sobs.  
  
"Ok, Brooke," I say kneeling back down, putting my arms around her and hugging her tight.  
  
"Don't worry. I'll never leave you in the dark."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
From that night on, whenever there was a big storm, I would always stay over at Brooke's house making sure she was alright.  
  
"Great," I think sardonically, "Another promise broken."  
  
Thinking back to our child hood I almost laugh out loud at how much we've both changed. Brooke, once timid and scared, and me feisty and wild. It's almost like we've done a full 360 from who we used to be.  
  
"Back before I betrayed her and went behind her back," I muse, angry at the person I've become.  
  
I hear music playing in one of the upstairs rooms, and follow the chords up the never ending stairs. Pictures of the Davis family line the wall, one from almost every year since Brooke was a baby, up until recently, stopping about three years ago.  
  
I remember the time we were playing Blind Man's Bluff, the last time we ever played upstairs again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It is the summer of 'N Sync and Backstreet Boys concerts, the beginning of many co-ed pool parties, and frequent shopping trips, the first stop always being Claire's. It's one of those hot summer days, too hot to play outside.  
  
I am running through the halls, trying to avoid a blindfolded Brooke. She has one of her mother's bright, expensive scarves over her eyes. At first, I was skeptical of going into her parent's bedroom and getting the scarf out of the tall, mirrored dresser, but Brooke assured me that her mother would never notice it was gone. Her parents were never home anyways theses days, so eventually I agreed.  
  
It was her turn to be "it" first, so naturally I was the one running away.  
  
"I'm soo gonna get you!" Brooke yelled running in the direction away from me.  
  
I laugh watching her getting "colder."  
  
"Oh no you won't!" I scream, making her whip around at the sound of my voice.  
  
I sprint down the stairs watching my feet, making sure I don't trip. I run to the kitchen and hide in the pantry next to a big bag of potatoes.  
  
"She'll never find me here," I laugh to myself.  
  
All of a sudden, I hear Brooke scream followed by a loud thump.   
  
I throw the door open, knocking over one of Brooke's mom's vases, not caring one bit, my thoughts completely focused on my best friend.  
  
"Brooke!" I yell worried.  
  
I find her at the bottom of the stairs, the sight scaring me so bad that I never want to set foot on a set of stairs ever again.  
  
"Oh God, Brooke. Are you ok?" I ask bending down next to her afraid to touch her.  
  
"Peyton, my leg hurts so bad," she says sobbing and holding her knees to her chest.  
  
"I'm going to call 911," I say running out of the room to grab the phone.  
  
I make the call and the lady tells me to try and get Brooke to relax and that the paramedics are on their way.  
  
I run back to where Brooke is.  
  
"Ok, Brooke. You've got to relax, ok?" I say putting my arms around her, comforting her.  
  
She's still sobbing hard as she reaches over and wraps her arms around me. It's then that I see the bone sticking out of her shin. I nearly faint, but remain strong for her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Brooke. We should've never played this game. It's all my fault," I say starting to cry.  
  
"No, it's ok," Brooke says grinding her teeth against the pain.  
  
"I'm sorry," I say again, hugging her close, "I'll never let you get hurt again. I promise."   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm nearly out of breath when I reach the top of the stairs in continuation of the search for my friend. I ignore the pain in my thighs as a result of my lack of energy and stamina.  
  
"Brooke!" I call out, my heart racing.  
  
After receiving no answer, I walk down the hall towards her room.  
  
"Ok, this is starting to get creepy," I sense.  
  
I grab the door handle to the only room in the house with any light or noise coming from it.  
  
"Then again that's how it's always been in this house," I conclude, recalling the countless number of times that I've been here back when we were still on speaking terms.  
  
I swing open the door only to find and empty room with "Until the Day I Die" on full blast. I recognize the song as Brooke and Lucas' from when she played it for me all those times, saying, "This is it, Pey. This is our song."  
  
I hurry to the enormous stereo next to Brooke's desk, turning the sound way down. I explore around the room for any signs that she's here.   
  
My eyes settle on her bright purple journal.   
  
I know it's forbidden, yet I'm still drawn to it. I pick up the small book filled with all of my friend's precious thoughts.   
  
Reading the open page, I find that it's a note. It only takes me a few moments to realize that it's addressed to me. My eyes grow wide as I scan the words over and over, unbelieving.  
  
"Oh God," I think, a million and one thoughts racing through my mind.  
  
I tear out of the room and through the halls, my pursuit more crucial.  
  
I open the door to every room finding that they're all empty. I decide to race back to her room to call someone, anyone.  
  
As soon as I reach it, I immediately am reminded of the one room that I missed.  
  
The bathroom.  
  
I throw the door open hoping to find her.  
  
I am greeted with a sight that makes me bring my hand to my mouth in abhorrence, too shocked for words. 


End file.
